There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When are your genitals available?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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