I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
