ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
