Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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