im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
