I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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