i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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