Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
