The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
