You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
