Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
