Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
