why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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