I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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