I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
