I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
