i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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