hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
