I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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