i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
