Your mouth is God's brothel.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
