We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
