Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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