if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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