Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
