I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
