while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
