Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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