my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
