he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
