yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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