Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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