he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
