i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
