that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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