But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
