you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
