I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
