No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
