You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
