apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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