So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
