I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!