The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.