Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho