I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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