im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.