What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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