Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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