he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize