he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
