turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
