Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
