I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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