Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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