She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
