I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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