i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
