There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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