i don't like sucking hair
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
