Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
