hotel room ftw
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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