i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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