I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
