Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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