Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
