so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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