I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
