Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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