My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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